Tidbits Vol 3. – What I do best

I wonder, what is it that I do best. I code, I write, I sing (definitely the worst), I make fun of people (which I have recently come to know that people despise me for it), I offer support (at my own terms), I make friends (as long as the friendship is low maintenance), I act (all the time), I listen to music (hating the songs I have, and always in search of comfort), I drive (which I thoroughly dislike), I sleep (rarely because I want to)…

What is it that I do best? Maybe what I do best is do a lot of things (if doing 5 things is a lot).

I know, I could go on and on. I even know that everyone can relate to this and can rant much more than I could, talk about being best at nothing.😛
So the better thing would be to talk about what I want to do, hopefully do that good enough to make a mark (I have come to realize the best is mostly out of reach, until at least you have achieved what is good enough).

Here you go universe, I want this, I want to make people happy. To be wanted. To help people with their troubles in life, at least those troubles that I too face.

I want to get rid of this feeling that I could contribute much more. I think that is what I want. To do enough, to do one hundred percent. To be one hundred percent! 

Clearly I don’t write the best. Thank you for reading. Your 5 minutes aren’t refundable😛

Love
Manik

Tidbits Vol 2.

Hello to all present! How are ya!

I wrote this while listening to a new song [new to me, actually quite old]. I don’t know the meaning of the song much but I just like its music and the flow.

I had a good day after a while. Like a really good day at relaxing, talking and laughing a lot. Brilliant part is that tonight is probably one of those nights where I am not engrossed in my primary love of programming. Tonight is the night for my mistress – for writing, for music.

Tonight is the night where I’d think the same things I think on other nights, but with a twist. I’d think about things with an all knowing smile on my face. Knowing that while on other nights such thoughts would bring me to an existential crisis, tonight I can enjoy them. Because I know tomorrow morning is not going to be any different than today’s or yesterday’s. You’d not know what I am talking about if you have never laughed at yourself, brushed aside your own belief as trivial in the grand scheme of things, or in general take yourself way too seriously.

Anyway I digress. Tonight is the night when I think about the same things; things like

… thunder only happens when its raaaaining …

[Don’t mind if I insert random lyrics of the song as quotes in my post.😛 ]

Things like, a feeling that I felt when I first secured a job offer at a company I really liked. A company which I aspired to work with/at. A company  which offered(/s) great benefits and competitive pay, great colleagues and what not..

What’s that feeling, you ask. To sum it up in a question, the question would be

Have you ever been bought?

Love
Manik

Tidbits Vol 1.

Tags

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Hi There!

I think I am gonna start a new section all together. A lot of things happen, of which not all are able to make it on the paper, and even if they do, censorship is a bitch.😛

Going forward, just keep in mind that I came up with the title, and the theme in about 5 seconds. Go figure! Here we go.

Firstly, today (2 hours earlier) I was doing some (5 seconds worth) thinking about India’s image in our minds and in the minds of the foreigners. The thought process triggered because of two videos (Hymn for the weekend by Coldplay and China vs India in the eyes of a Westerner), doing the rounds on my facebook feed.

What I was thinking about is how I could not relate (/ accept (I am not sure) ) very much to the India presented in these videos.

  • Is my own perception of India skewed, having spent my entire life in the capital and travelling only rarely where too I experience the actuality from a distance?
  • Or, is the western world too hung up on the imagery of slumdog millionaire that they are unable to open up their eyes to the urban India?
  • And maybe majority of the non urban India is like the one shown in the videos, then why am I (/ why are we) too hung up on shedding that image of India.

I think the third question is really worth answering and I am still looking for any clues to it.

Secondly, I was thinking about one other thing. I started to code at 18 and I was wondering how does coding feel to people who have been at it since they were 12 years old. Does it feel more at home. What is that like?

And lastly for today, I got a really bad (/ good ( not really)) haircut. Haha. It is so bad that I have to wing it; own it rather. I think that, that is really the way forward for a lot of things.

stainer

From the movie She’s out of my league. And yes I could have quoted one of Tyrion’s line but you have already seen that so…

 

Cheers & Love!
Manik

Circus

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I don’t second guess myself much. I am much more of the impulsive kind, and the impulses have worked out well until now, I think.

But when the stakes are high, the impulses get weak. When jumping could mean dying, your legs give in. Even though you know that you are attached to a cord, that you are gonna be safe, that the most thrilling time of your life is just 2 feet away, your legs give in.

I never figured myself to be of the kind that liked consistency. So away from change. But its nice. Maybe it is not nice, but at least it is easy. When the comfort of the world is in my reach, why would I move? When I seemingly have nothing to prove, why would I even care? I despise myself today, a little. Maybe because it is the easy thing to do.

I would not be writing this, if I did not have a second thread in my mind. The part which sees myself in the league of extraordinary men, men who have done things right by themselves and right by this world. The part that thinks great things of my potential and fantasizes about seeing me realize each one of them, whilst the world everyday proves how grossly limited my capabilities are.

It’s the part that craves the nights, where you are just staring out at the world in front of you, from a high-rise balcony, or a mountain, or a deck at sea; cool breeze in your nostrils, you inhale deeply and breathing out you try to flush out the scared / excited feeling. When you know the morning is to bring something new to you. When you just can’t prove that everything is gonna be absolutely fine.

It feels like I need a rope around my waist, to balance my trapeze act. And what better rope than a reality check with intermittent day dreaming?

Wish me luck!

Love
Manik

The world awaits

Lovely ones, loved ones.
dear ones
friends
brothers

My heartaches
My heartthrobs

Time has come for you to walk…

The old man repents what he did
the old man repents what he didn’t
the most that old men repent
is not returning

But I won’t ask you to stay …

——

I won’t ask you to stay and won’t tell you how to live.
Would only tell you, what I know you would.

Far and away shall you walk. Footsteps, thunderous footsteps.
Footsteps, light and soft, into the hearts.

Torches shall you bear. The light of the sun.
And lamps you will light, with the warmth within.

Soar high you will. Higher than your dreams.
Carry others you will too, the power in your wings.

——

Step forward. O dear!
They have been waiting.
We’ve been waiting.
Show us the gold that you bring in your heart
and let us claim your heralding.

Step forward and walk. For your mark the world awaits!

Love
Manik

My world; your world.

Perfection is a disease. It’s a cancer which spreads through you. Makes your mind go for a spin. Acceptance is a bliss. The sheer removal of expectation.

What to write and what to hold back has forever been the lament of those who think that the world doesn’t know them. And, it too is their lament, that the world doesn’t know them.

——

Stony shore
hard waves
unrelenting
cruel.

Unconscious
I see the faint light
the faint light house.

what storm had run me over
who knew?

today bright as ever
merely floating, yet afloat.
gathered all my courage
broke into a swim
for 5 seconds.

today bright as ever
floating still
pitied all I could
and lay lifeless
a broken spirit

‘day bright as ever
floating somehow
prayed for dear life
with my heart not in it
received help with his heart not into it.

‘day bright as ever
floating
prayed for deliverance
with tears of helplessness
received a sweet shower to quench my thirst.

‘days bright as ever
floating for one reason or another
emotions my mirage
the lighthouse my respite

That night calm as ever
the guards looking for survivors
he promised to pull me up
if I promised to live

I promised to live.
for a week we toiled

reached the stony shore
now the lighthouse in sight

stairs, unyielding stairs.
but I’m climbing.

Love
Manik

Whats happening

Today, there is so much to do. So much. Buy, save, live, feel, be, do, show.
Why does it require so much effort? I wanna rest, but how? I wanna I wanna I wanna aaarrrgrghhhhh! Purpotedly I sit and I chose I dont wanna. I dont wanna do anything. I know I will regret this later. Sleep doesn’t come easily. Waking up is difficult. Running being and doing have all become so difficult. What do I do? Crying doesnt help, I just end up pitying my self. I decide things and moments like these make me wanna feel weak, at least then I’d have a reason for all this. I am weak I can’t help it.

Home is not home anymore. This body requires so much effort. It wants to be fed. I wants rest. It feels diseased. I miss so many people. But they all have expectations and I have no power left to fulfil. Constant blah blah blah. I am tired of it.