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Mostly when I cry, I cry without a sound
‘Cause I never want anyone to hear
To pity, to sympathize
Or to tell me It’s gonna be okay, ’cause I know that.

I wail I shriek, all without a sound
and sound only uttered when no one’s around.

People may think, but they don’t know
They may generalize but I don’t fit
They say everybody cries, but I don’t
But you know what, I did cry.

I cried when I was born
and so did my mother
but she did it in joy and
I did it because I don’t know why

I cried when I didn’t get some or the other toy,
but aren’t we all supposed do that?

I cried when my parents quarreled, I still do
I cry when my mom cries.
I cried when my dad cried.

I always remember that one night, of all the nights I can
When they got into a huge fight
I was scared, I was 11
Something happened, I stopped it
I held onto it, while wailing it to stop
Then it did stop, but I was shaken
I could no longer see a fight not ending the same way as this one
That night, my sister hugged me & she hugged my other sister too and I cried like a baby.
Maybe even harder

Next year when she went away
I cried. She never knew, no one did
But I cried, that who now would protect me

Then came her wedding, and she had to fight a lot
I cried then too. I hated them for doing this to her.

I remember that day, when she said something about ceasing to live
and I ran across the house to hug her and that day I cried.

People are supposed to cry at vidai
she doesn’t know but,
I cried for a week before that

——

Years later,
I cried that night, when my friends left me
they thought I lied, I never did,
It all had gotten a little too out of hand

I sat and cried that day in the auditorium
when authorities told me
I had no chance of getting into that college
Although the next day I did get into it, but I had already chosen over it.

And then I cried when she didn’t call.
And also the time she last called and we had the conversation.
Oh! I cried for a month.
But none knows that too.

——

I cried when my Nani went away, I still am.
The finality of it.

And one day amidst all, came HE.
And I cried. And I cried. And I cried. (when I realized)
I let tears flow. Because when those pearls dry up on your cheeks
You would know what being grateful feels like.

I still do cry when my loved ones fight
I still do cry when movies have sad parts
I still do cry when I feel I have been given more than I merit
I still do cry..

And I thank him. For having made me cry. Because then.
I can laugh. Oh! I can laugh at the trivial-most.
I can laugh without reason.
And you do know how much I laugh!!
Don’t you?!

People do think, but they don’t know.
They may generalize but I don’t fit.
They say everybody cries, but I don’t.

Love
Manik

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