I am here, but I am not. I am behind a veil. Cryptic. The veil is mine or is it imposed, I don’t know. The facade is necessary, but I am tired of it. I wanna swear but something restricts me. I wanna laugh but I am not happy. I wanna cry but something restricts me. Is it the idea of going back every Monday that blocks me from letting go? What is it! I think it is that, but I am not sure. For now, I can say that is it but I know there might be something else. This might just a thing behind which I am hiding the fact that I am not happy. I need a refresher. I want to be me. I feel tired I feel dejected. People may say sad and dejected are the same. But they aren’t. I feel dejected, not sad. I am tired of being on a pedestal. FUCK you! It’s your fault. But it is mine also, even though, I know this as a fact/in words but I don’t realize it yet. FUCK me as well!
Has rage ever took you over? Like, if you were driving, and suddenly out of nowhere a sudden impulse takes over you and you wanna kill the thing right in front of you. FUCCCCKKK! Hands lock-in to hold something and rip it apart. Well, that’s me. The incidents are getting more frequent. Sometimes people around me try and sympathize. But what do they know? Shitty Losers. Fuck. I am tired of the fact that I keep myself on a pedestal. I expect so much of me. And that just fucks with my brain my self-confidence my peace my mind when I am not able to deliver on it. And How can I? I am so tired. I am busy. Fuck life. Fuck friendship. fuck hugs. I need a hug. I need it from you. I want to unwind
I want to die if this is it. I hope it is not. Help me. I started thinking and the veil is back. FUCK this SHIT!
Horse with no name.
P.S. For the sake of publishing I tried removing the obscenities, but the expression went incomplete. I am sorry.