If you’re going to wake up every day and ask yourself whether you’re going to make any difference today or whether you are going to be happy each moment this day — believe me, you are going to have a rather miserable life.

I should rather say, do whatever you can in your life, you’d still have a rather miserable life. Happiness is a myth. Let me rephrase that, everlasting happiness is a myth – even experience enhancers (fancy name for drugs) last only so long.

I wrote one post 5 years ago about my birthday, I was rather happy back then. Something you can expect from a twenty-something summer child who had not seen a lot of this world yet. I am not saying that as if I have seen much, but whatever I have I don’t like it. It is like my choices are between misery, pain, anxiety, crippling fear and what have you. It is, quite literally, pick your poison.

Let’s break it down, yo! What’s troubling you?

Oh, you wanna hear whats wrong? What’s wrong is that my mind is too easily distracted to even write a complete rant these days. I feel so alienated with my own thoughts and notions that I wonder are they truly mine or are they the ones that have been poured down my throat for years and years on by the society and world around me.

Call me a cynic, but every happy person I see, I think that they are faking it! No one’s life is perfect, gimme a break, gimme an honest person for once. Everyone is telling everyone else the good things that happen in their lives while glossing over the sad details just to derive happiness from others envy. What-a-world!

I am sad today because of the burden of my own expectations of me. How very counter-intuitive, right? I think the caveman would have been a very happy fellow, just like animals. Living like animals, why is that a bad thing at all? At this point, I seriously envy a dog’s life. Die relatively young, eat whatever whenever, be with whoever the fuck you wanna be with, don’t have a lot of cognitive ability for big things in life, and no expectations. Also, did I mention, die young?

I profess, God came down to earth and did two things —
1) Give Aloo Gobhi Recipe to some bloke who would later end up owning half of the world, and
2) Create choices, so that all men in their eternal misery have to pick one and then later drown their guilt with aloo gobhi, making the former bloke rich beyond richness itself.

I think honesty, is not only underrated, it is quite misunderstood. Being honest with others is the easy thing to do and sometimes the foolish one as well. As a thumb rule, don’t take up honesty as a thumb rule. I think, the true meaning oh honesty is to know what you’re thinking and feeling without cajoling or defending yourself about why you’re thinking that.

As an example – You hate a person, you see them, they do something horrible again. At that moment your body is alive in rage; all you wanna do is speak out the expletives that are already there on your tongue, give them a piece of your mind and tell them what a fucking twat they are and maybe, just maybe, bash their skull in. You not doing all of that is rather intelligent of you. However, later on in the night when you remember these thoughts & feelings – you either try and downplay your hate or try to tell yourself that hatred is a rather negative emotion which such a positive person like you should not feel. Now that is dishonesty. And believe me, even if you don’t believe in Jesus. THAT IS A SIN.

Before I wrap up, on this rather dark but humorous note, let me take things to more somber place (just because I can).

I miss my family and friends a lot. I do not think that I am doing the right things in life anymore. I don’t want my dreams and voice to die a rather cold death at the hands of a well-paying job. And above all, I don’t wanna die without a name. I am not sure of what path to chose forward in life and it is killing me one day at a time. I think humans were not meant to stop and think at every moment because that would have been a shitty existence, but every few months you should still do a course correction.

Also, adult birthdays suck. At 25 the world is basically telling you that you aren’t the special little snowflake everyone told you that you were! Heads up if you’re not 25 yet.

Well happy fucking birthday to me!

Love
Manik

P.S. Don’t think that I am sad, know I am and no it’s not your job to fix me. Just think of it as my time of the month, because you know it is easier for both of us that way…

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